'Dress like Prince William', army officers told

A memo from the Colonel of the Royal Artillery, in which he advises young officers to dress like Princes William and Harry, has come to light.

The colonel’s advice works well for those of a less martial calling as well.

In particular he suggests: ‘Only the middle button of a three button (M) suit should be fastened. It is a coat not a tunic. If your suit has a belt, so be it, but a slim elegant leather suit belt and not a Harley Davidson buckle belt is to accompany it.’

‘Long socks that do not show your flaky, spindly hairy twiglet like shin and absolutely not a selection of ghastly cartoon characters. There is nothing evenly remotely funny about having Poundland crackers fight for your custom as your tailor.’

‘Black (after 7 pm) brogue/Oxford type shoes, polished and in good repair or a good quality slip on loafer are fine, but anything resembling 4WD with a heavy tread and a big fat square toe won’t do justice to your well cut suit. You wouldn’t put ketchup on a Dover sole. As a rough rule of thumb, if your footwear is in any way similar to that seen on a Balkans’ coffee shop waiter then this applies.’

‘The shirt must be pressed and if wearing a suit (or blazer) then it shouldn’t have a pocket and MUST fit correctly at the neck. Pockets carry Cross pens as used by NASA scientists and while we are a technical/combat arm we aren’t there yet. Black, red or other dark ‘Emo’ colours are to be swiftly and safely consigned to the Camp Esperanca deep hole recycling facility.’

‘Double cuff shirts are not mandatory; however, the quality of the shirt is the main factor. If you must wear a silvery/grey Gary Lineker [former England football captain turned TV pundit] number then make sure it is a really good one and wear it with confidence.

‘The tie should be correctly tied, close to the collar and checked regularly. The knot must not be big fat Grange Hill special or be seen adorning the neck of a semi finalist on the Apprentice (M&F). The tie should just reach over the waist belt, not six inches above or below.

‘You are to be freshly shaved when attending any evening function and enough has been said about sideburns.

‘Diving watches/laptop/GPS type watches furiously scrunched up against your shirt cuff look awful. Try and use a thin elegant dress watch – even Sekonda has some relatively pleasant ones.

These are elements of dress guidance and they are not hard and fast, Edwardian or even particularly contemporary but they just set a rough line on where our young officers should be heading.

We are a broad church and we should not exclusively ape the armed wing of Boden, Primark, Fat Face or New and Lingwood, but I am constantly amazed by what some think is acceptable dress.

‘I would rather discover a Gunner officer through his witty, polite and engaging conversation than clocking his cloning through his dress, but please disseminate this lick of polish onto our fantastic, brave and impressive cohort of young officers.

‘While light hearted, please pass on these tips. If in doubt follow TRHs Princes William and Harry for civilian clothing direction.’