UK report says looters should be shot

A report into this summer's UK riots suggests police should be able to use live ammunition to stop unrest.

Police Unions are believed also to be asking for clarification of what to do about people they find looting the public purse and robbing the public to finance their own grotesque bonuses.

'Our members are waiting for the go-ahead to shoot bankers on sight,' said a spokesperson.

'The police aren't that popular at the moment, but if we can persuade the government to let us gun down some of those greedy, corrupt, self-serving parasites it should make a huge difference.

'Just imagine if there was open season on Goldman Sachs... The punters would love it.'

He added that citizens across the UK thought that pocketing a huge bonus for wrecking the economy was more serious than stealing a pair of trainers.

Wanting to lighten the mood, the spokesmen continued: 'Have you heard this one? A young banker decided to get his first tailor-made suit. As he tried it on, he reached down to put his hands in the pockets and to his surprise he found none. He mentioned this to the tailor who asked him, "You're a banker, right?" The young man answered, "Yes, I am." "Well, whoever heard of a banker with his hands in his own pockets?"

'Basically, bankers need shooting,' he added. 'Everyone knows that. In what other industry could you cause a complete disaster and end up getting paid shed loads of taxpayers' money?

'Time to polish up the Bren gun, I think.'

Saudi Arabia executes woman for sorcery offences

The Saudi authorities have executed a woman accused of sorcery.

The London-based al-Hayat newspaper quoted Abdullah al-Mohsen, chief of the religious police who arrested the woman, as saying she had tricked people into thinking she could treat illnesses, charging them $800 (£500) per session.

The alleged witch was tried according to Saudi law, he added.

Initially she was forced into single combat with a specially trained satan-seeking goat in a public square in Jeddah.

Armed with a broom (symbolic of her supposed crime brushing money out of people's pockets) she attempted to hold off the demon-sniffing beast.

This she managed to do.

However, the authorities believed the goat may itself have been influenced by Beelzebub and it was later questioned and, when its answers were deemed inadequate, was stoned to death.

The accused sorceress, meanwhile, was re-arrested and the charge of bribing a religious police goat was added to her list of supposed offences.

She was then placed in the official ducking stool and plunged headfirst into a river. She was unable to free herself and was therefore deemed guilty as charged.

The execution brings the total to 76 this year in Saudi Arabia.

In September, a Sudanese man, Abdul Hamid bin Hussain bin Moustafa al-Fakki, was also put to death in Saudi Arabia for sorcery.

MP Andrew Robathan rejects Arctic Convoy medal

Tory defence minister Andrew Robathan has outraged Arctic Convoy veterans by suggesting that to award them a medal for their efforts would be akin to some Ruritarian regime handing out gongs for cookery.

The MP suggested that Britain only awarded medals for 'risk and rigour'.

So nothing doing if all you did was sail across freezing seas dodging dive-bombers and U-boats to keep the Red Army supplied in its fight against the Nazis.

Mr Robathan, tucked up in cosy Whitehall with the heating turned up and a nice cup of steaming cocoa, should perhaps bear in mind that more than 3,000 UK sailors died on the Artic convoys.

Of 1,400 ships on the 78 convoys that passed through seas where temperatures were as low as -60*C, 85 merchant and 16 Royal Navy were sunk between 1941 and 1945.

Despite the Tories promising in opposition to strike an Arctic Star when they won power, ministers have so far chosen not to do so; probably too busy working out how much their pensions will be.

Russia, meanwhile, has awarded commemorative medals to the veterans – only around 200 of whom are still alive.

Mr Robathan added: 'The intention post-war was not to cover everybody in medals. Medals in the UK mean something.

'Authoritarian regimes and dictators often throw around a lot of medals. One can look, for instance, at North Korean generals who are covered in medal ribbon, or Gaddafi, or Saddam Hussein.

'Generals in the Soviet Army were covered in medals.

'We have taken the view in this country, traditionally, that medals will only awarded for campaigns that show risk and rigour. Some regimes give out very large numbers of medals wheras we traditionally do not.'

Leading Seaman Stanley Ballard, 89, from South Croydon, who served on the Royal Navy frigate HMS Cotton on Artic Convoys, said: 'To compare us to Gaddafi was as good as slapping us in the face.'

Contortionist Zlata and her splendid 2012 calendar

Thank goodness for Zlata. The Russian contortionist has recently released her 2012 calendar and it is a suitably wondrous thing.

This talented young lady has got herself into 12 intriguing poses for each month of the year, ranging from performing eye-watering splits in the garden to cooking in the kitchen with her leg over her head.

For March, Zlata dons a Marie-Antoinette-style wig, folds her legs over her shoulders and toys with a bunch of grapes (above). September sees her checking her high-heels in a novel mannner on a railway platform (below) while in December you will find her doubled over in bed in a slinky black number.

The former gymnast, whose real name is Julia Gunthel, now lives in Germany and last month won a Guinness World record for the fastest time to burst three balloons with her back, which she did in 12 seconds.

One of her favourite tricks is bending herself backwards at a perfect 90 degree angle, so the back half of her hands touch her feet.

Zlata said: ‘Doing these poses just feels natural to me. Sometimes it can get a bit uncomfortable if I have to hold a pose for a long time in photoshoots.

‘But I think that’s like anyone who sits down for a long time – their muscles get stiff.

‘I don’t really diet but I have to train very hard to keep my muscles in shape and to be as flexible as possible.’

Zlata's 2012 calendar is entitled 'Never Has Flexibility Been So Fascinating'.

Jeremy Clarkson says strikers should be shot

Clarkson, Clarkson, Clarkson... You may think that shooting public sector strikers is a good idea, but you can't go and say it on the BBC.

What the Top Gear presenter said was this: 'I would take them outside and execute them in front of their families.

'I mean how dare they go on strike when they have these gilt-edged pensions that are going to be guaranteed, while the rest of us have to work for a living.'

Across the land, civil servants are sticking pins in effigies. At least that'll give them something to do, I suppose.

I guess Clarkson may think public sector workers are damn lucky anyway, given the situation of most private sector unfortunates.

However, I expect he's got more than enough salted away to keep him in Jags and Porsches when he finally hangs up his mike.

Monkey denies Charmian Chen photo set-up

The Balinese monkey who was filmed tugging down the dress of 22-year-old model Charmian Chen has denied that the photos were set up to further Ms Chen’s career.

'Where's your proof, then?' said the irate primate when confronted by reporters in Indonesia.

'Charmian dropped a piece of corn down her top and I couldn't help myself,' he added, attempting to explain why he had torn off the model's dress.

Pictures of the incident have made headline news in Ms Chen's native Taiwan, with TV stations asking her to appear and talk about it.

The images have also spread around the globe, appearing on blog sites and forums in the US and Britain.

Ms Chen said: 'I was on holiday and at first the pictures were just funny, but when I got back to Taiwan I had all these people trying to add me as friends on Facebook.'

She added that the monkeys were attracted to bikinis worn by many visitors.

'I think it's the bright colours which they think might be fruit, well I don't know about that but it was very strange at the time.'

The monkey confessed this was the case. ‘S'right. I've always loved bright colours. Now clear off and let me eat this massive pile of bananas I just happen to have acquired.'

'Dress like Prince William', army officers told

A memo from the Colonel of the Royal Artillery, in which he advises young officers to dress like Princes William and Harry, has come to light.

The colonel’s advice works well for those of a less martial calling as well.

In particular he suggests: ‘Only the middle button of a three button (M) suit should be fastened. It is a coat not a tunic. If your suit has a belt, so be it, but a slim elegant leather suit belt and not a Harley Davidson buckle belt is to accompany it.’

‘Long socks that do not show your flaky, spindly hairy twiglet like shin and absolutely not a selection of ghastly cartoon characters. There is nothing evenly remotely funny about having Poundland crackers fight for your custom as your tailor.’

‘Black (after 7 pm) brogue/Oxford type shoes, polished and in good repair or a good quality slip on loafer are fine, but anything resembling 4WD with a heavy tread and a big fat square toe won’t do justice to your well cut suit. You wouldn’t put ketchup on a Dover sole. As a rough rule of thumb, if your footwear is in any way similar to that seen on a Balkans’ coffee shop waiter then this applies.’

‘The shirt must be pressed and if wearing a suit (or blazer) then it shouldn’t have a pocket and MUST fit correctly at the neck. Pockets carry Cross pens as used by NASA scientists and while we are a technical/combat arm we aren’t there yet. Black, red or other dark ‘Emo’ colours are to be swiftly and safely consigned to the Camp Esperanca deep hole recycling facility.’

‘Double cuff shirts are not mandatory; however, the quality of the shirt is the main factor. If you must wear a silvery/grey Gary Lineker [former England football captain turned TV pundit] number then make sure it is a really good one and wear it with confidence.

‘The tie should be correctly tied, close to the collar and checked regularly. The knot must not be big fat Grange Hill special or be seen adorning the neck of a semi finalist on the Apprentice (M&F). The tie should just reach over the waist belt, not six inches above or below.

‘You are to be freshly shaved when attending any evening function and enough has been said about sideburns.

‘Diving watches/laptop/GPS type watches furiously scrunched up against your shirt cuff look awful. Try and use a thin elegant dress watch – even Sekonda has some relatively pleasant ones.

These are elements of dress guidance and they are not hard and fast, Edwardian or even particularly contemporary but they just set a rough line on where our young officers should be heading.

We are a broad church and we should not exclusively ape the armed wing of Boden, Primark, Fat Face or New and Lingwood, but I am constantly amazed by what some think is acceptable dress.

‘I would rather discover a Gunner officer through his witty, polite and engaging conversation than clocking his cloning through his dress, but please disseminate this lick of polish onto our fantastic, brave and impressive cohort of young officers.

‘While light hearted, please pass on these tips. If in doubt follow TRHs Princes William and Harry for civilian clothing direction.’

British man fathers 16 children with 14 women

Good to see the Press is up in arms about the behaviour of the Dundee man who has fathered 16 children by 14 women.

Unemployed Jamie Cumming, now there's an interesting name in the circumstances, is expecting a further child with another woman in January.

His current squeeze is 19-year-old Chelsea, while another 19-year-old gave birth to Cumming’s 15th baby two weeks ago and yet another will be popping out the January bairn.

Not sure these girls will be winning any Mensa prizes any time soon.

Cumming, funnily enough, is unable to financially support his many children and most of the mothers are also on benefits.

Cumming’s mother, Lorraine, said she was ashamed of him: ‘He’s been unemployed for years and shows no sign of wanting to work.

‘We don’t speak to each other, and, even though I love him as my child, I am bitterly disappointed with how he lives his life.

‘It’s difficult to keep up with it all, but I do my best to see all the kids. He just doesn’t seem bothered.’

Difficult to keep up with? You could say that.

In 2004, the aptly named lothario sired two girls and a boy who were all born within months of each other, and between December 2007 and August 2008 he fathered three more.

Mr Jamie ‘Unprotected’ Cumming. You are a thoroughly bad egg.

Sardinian brothers admit goat sex

Two Sardinian men have admitted having sex with a goat.

Farm workers Benito and Guiseppe d'Angelo (22 and 25) confessed to the crime at a court in Cagliari last week.

The pair, who worked on a farm near Castelsardo, in the north of the island, pleaded guilty to a range of bestiality-related crimes involving a female goat called Isabella.

They were caught when their employer, farmer Martin Duchesni, returned unexpectedly from a trip to the local market - where he has a stall selling cheese and other dairy products.

'I entered the farmhouse and was making myself a cup of coffee when I heard strange noises and creaks coming from upstairs,' Duchesni told the stunned courtroom.

'I thought it could be thieves, so I quickly picked up a threshing flail and crept quietly up the stairs.'

In the farmhouse main bedroom, the shocked farmer discovered the brothers in the act of doing unmentionable acts to the goat.

'I didn't know what to say,' he added. 'I just couldn't believe it. There was Benito with his trousers round his ankles. The goat was on the bed and Guiseppe was sort of underneath her.

'In a way, I wanted to just pretend I hadn't seen anything, but then I saw the pleading look in Isabella's eyes and I knew I had to do something.'

'Goat sodomy is a very serious crime,' added county prosecutor Carlo Sansimi. 'The fact that it was, in this case, a female goat provides no defence.'

Sentencing will be carried out next week.

D-Day veteran falls victim to Nazi bullet

D-Day veteran Percival (Dai) Tilley died in an accident partly caused by a leg injury he sustained on the Normandy beaches 65 years ago.

Welsh Guardsman Mr Tilley, 91, was hit in the leg by a German bullet on 6 June 1944 and suffered weakness in that leg all his life.

He was on his way to a reunion with his old army comrades, wearing his Welsh Guards blazer and tie, when the leg gave way at the top of a staircase. He fell 20ft to the bottom and suffered from fatal head injuries.

Mr Tilley's leg wound from 1944 was cited as a 'contributory factor' in the accident by the inquest in Cardiff.

Coroner Mary Hassell said: 'He had a compromise to one of his legs and this gave him a problem going down the stairs.

'He was clearly enjoying himself and looking forward to seeing his friends when he just fell down the stairs and hit his head.

'His injuries were absolutely unsurvivable but fortunately this all happened very quickly. I very much doubt Mr Tilley knew any of what was going on.'

Gina Robins: a kitten in the microwave

Very poor show indeed from Gina Robbins, the Torquay woman who put a friend's kitten in the microwave because she had reported her (Robbins') boyfried to the police.

On the pretext of heating up some baby food, she instead popped the 10-week-old kitten in the device.

Its owner, Sarah Knutton, heard a dreadful wailing shriek and then a popping noise as the kitten 'exploded'.

Upon investigating she discovered it splattered around the inside of the microwave. Her first action, she told the court, was to throw up. Understandable, that bit.

Top marks to the Daily Mail website for running a picture with the caption: 'The kitten, similar to the one pictured...'

Robbins may be facing a jail sentence.

Duke of Edinburgh trashes wind turbines

The Duke of Edinburgh has decided wind farms are 'absolutely useless' and a 'bad idea'.

He, like Prince Charles, has no intention of having them on his land.

The comments were made at a reception to Esbjorn Wilmar, of Infinergy, a company that makes and markets wind turbines.

The Duke is happy enough, though, that the Crown Estate pockets large amounts of cash from offshore windfarms; it owns most of the seabed around Britain.

Clearly the Duke hasn't noticed that November currently looks like September and doesn't worry overmuch about finding alternatives to fossil fuels.

But OK to add to Crown's bulging coffers as long as he can't see the offending turbines. Nice one, your Royal Highness.

Cameron, Merkel and the bazooka

Wonder if David Cameron is regretting suggesting to Angela Merkel that they take a bazooka to the problems of the EU.

He's clearly sailed very close to breaching the old adage of 'don't mention the war'.

Not only that, his language skills leave something to be desired.

Bazooka isn't a German word. It was a name given to a home-made musical instrument played by comedian and performer Bob Burns, who was in World War 2 the leader of the US Marines' jazz band.

The German word Dave was after was 'Panzerschrek' (literally, tank terror) or perhaps 'Panzerfaust' (tank, er, fist).

Heinrich Himmler sent postcards home to mum

Wonder what a handwriting expert would make of Heinrich Himmler's postcards?

Adolf Hitler's henchman had a very spiky script, as the postcards he sent to his mum reveal.

The content is typically banal. 'Dear Mum, Here in Warsaw having a lovely time. Right mess outside the hotel, though. Looks like a bombsite. Some interesting churches and castles. Saw some great runes. Locals aren't very friendly.'

The postcards were from a cache of documents taken from Himmler's holiday home in southern Germany by a US serviceman after the war ended. Not sure, though, why he had the postcards at his home when he'd sent them to his mother. Maybe forgot to post them.

The collection of postcards is expected to sell for around £40,000 at auction.

England rugby coach Martin Johnson quits

So farewell, then, Johnno.

You were an outstanding on-pitch leader and an awesome opponent, but it hasn't really happened for you as a manager.

What might have been if your players hadn't been such numb-skulls, though? Never mind all the off-the-pitch stuff at the World Cup, I'd be more frustrated by their inability to run straight and the fact that prop forwards kept appearing at fly-half at crucial moments.

And don't get me started on Chris Ashton and his swallow-dives. They should be banned. Otherwise the day will come when he drops the ball at the key moment and Celts worldwide will wet themselves laughing.

No news yet on what next for Johnson, but I'm sure Leicester Tigers could find a role for him fairly sharpish.

Rupert Murdoch attacked at Parliamentary Committee

Quite extraordinary, before my very eyes a chap just tried to attack Rupert Murdoch in a Parliamentary Committee.

Don’t think he got within 10 yards, to be fair, but all the same.

James Murdoch stammering somewhat as he gives evidence. ‘We have to have journalists who operate to the highest possible standards...’

Well, up to a point Lord Copper.

Inquisitor in chief Ms Mensch, who is pretty flinty eyed at the best of times, is doing rather well at grilling the Murdochs. James looks a bit like a kid who’s been called before the headmistress because a stash of donkey porn has been discovered in his tuck box.

La Mensch to Rupert: ‘You are in charge of the ship... This terrible thing happened on your watch. Have you considered resigning?’

Rupert’s having none of that. ‘I’m the best person to sort this out,’ quoth he.

Meanwhile his gorgeous, pouting Thai bride looks on - having intercepted the assailant.

And a little extract from Murdoch’s closing address: ‘I would like all the victims of phone hacking to know how deeply sorry I am... I fully understand their ire... We now know that things went badly wrong at the NOTW. Paying police officers is wrong. Saying sorry is not enough. Things must be put right. No excuses.’

Big words, but how far has the rot spread? Can’t be just NOTW.

NOTW Sean Hoare found dead - was he murdered?

That is the question that lots of people will be asking.

After the past few days you start to wonder whether you’re suddenly watching one of the Godfather movies.

Hoare, a former NOTW showbiz reporter who was the first to suggest phone hacking was endemic at the News of the World, had issues with drink and drugs, it has been reported. This was partly a result of the fact that his job demanded he spent his nights carousing with rock stars in order to get stories.

Also today the rather weird story of Rebekah Brooks’ bag (or her husband’s bag, or someone’s bag) being found in a bin in a luxury condo in Chelsea.

It was then handed to police, allegedly much to Charlie Brooks’ chagrin. Not sure whether Charlie should worry too much, even if there is donkey porn on there. The way things are going it will be a police superintendent and a leading Tory politician spit-roasting the forlornly braying beast and it will be quietly hushed up.

The donkey, meanwhile, will be found face down in the Manchester ship canal.

And on the subject of leading Tories... ’tis very quiet out there. Not much from Gideon or Billy the Haig at the minute. Heads being kept below the parapet until barrage blows over.

People power stirs to stump Rupert Murdoch

Who would have believed a couple of weeks ago that politicians would be distancing themselves from Rupert Murdoch as fast as they could?

Many ordinary citizens will be delighted that Rupert Murdoch’s grip on the UK media has been slightly loosened.

What has also been made clear from the whole business, however, is just how hand-in-glove the UK’s top politicians are with the media execs – and it has not proved a very enlightening sight.

Indeed, David Cameron’s attempts to tar the entire media with the News of the World brush was pretty poor.

Gordon Brown’s righteous indignation is also pretty hard to swallow, given how he and Tony Blair got so cozy with Murdoch when they were in charge.

Rebekah Brooks and David Cameron: a bad business

David Cameron has confidence born of never having had to deal with failure, I feel.

Even when he’s getting dragged into the News of the World scandal he’s got something about him which suggests he knows that he’s getting away scot-free from all this.

Is he, though? He is obviously exceeding close to Rebekah Brooks, and that can’t be good. His call that she resign looks like a man struggling to get rid of an albatross.

The longer she stays in her job, the worse she looks (not to mention Cameron) and the more the public starts to question the links between the government (past and present) and News International.

If the government presses on with allowing NewsCorp to take over BSkyB outright it will confirm that there is something deeply unpleasant afoot.

BP boss Tony Hayward returns with Vallares

I notice the former BP chief Tony Hayward has overcome any issues with the Gulf of Mexico oil spill and is set to be back in the money.

Specifically, he hopes to raise £1bn from the London listing of Vallares, his new oil and gas joint venture

The Guardian reports that Hayward has received early financial backing from institutional investors, hedge funds and sovereign wealth funds; some of whose owners may be his old pals from school or business school, perhaps.

The paper adds that this new venture plans to use the money raised on the London market to buy into an oil and gas company in need of capital, with a value of up to £8bn. But instead of buying the company, Vallares will offer shares in itself and therefore give the company access to the global financial markets.

‘We will be offering a short-cut to an IPO [initial public offering],’ said Hayward, ‘for maybe a family-owned business, which has access to good resources but not capital. Merging with us would offer access to capability, capital and credibility.’

Not entirely sure about the last word there, but let’s not quibble.

Key to proceedings is hedge fund manager Nat Rothschild, part of the long-standing banking dynasty.

He said: ‘I am delighted to be partnering with Tony Hayward, whom I have known for many years, on this exciting new venture. Together, we believe the company is well positioned to capture value in a sector with attractive fundamental supply-demand dynamics.’

Expect the cash to say in the same few hands, then.

News of the World allegedly ‘hacks Dowler phone’

Even cynical media folks have taken a sharp intake of breath at the latest allegations concerning the News of the World hacking Milly Dowler’s phone.

This is a genuinely shocking story and it cannot be the activity just of a rogue reporter and/or a private detective.

There has to be a very strong suspicion that the order has come down from on high for the phone to be hacked. Who exactly ‘on high’ is remains to be seen, indeed we may never know. However, there has to be at least a possibility that it was the then-editor, Rebekah Brooks.

Brooks would not have won many popularity contests anyway, but she is certainly well connected and now very senior in News International.

Does that make her untouchable? Maybe. There is no doubt England’s politicians are scared to death of Rupert Murdoch’s organisation so a senior figure carrying this particular can still seems less than likely.

There has to be a suspicion, though, that the News of the World was using phone hacking as a tool in many circumstances.

Should be an interesting few days.

Burkhas and beard cricket

I’m reliably informed that a new and peculiar pastime is sweeping across the UK.

It is based on the popular game of beard cricket, which has devotees across the country and which involves scoring runs (as in cricket) when you see a beard.

Generally beard cricket’s rules are something like this:

Heavy stubble: 1 run
Sideburns: 1-3 runs, depending on their expanse
Goatee: 1-3 runs (as above)
Full beard: 4 runs
Massive, santa beard: 6 runs

Moustache: a wicket falls.

The player continues their innings, amassing runs, until 10 wickets have fallen.

Burkha cricket operates under the same general principles.

Woman wearing a headscarf as fashion accessory: 1 run
Child wearing headscarf for religious purposes: 2 runs
Woman wearing headscarf for religious purposes: 4 runs
Woman wearing full, burkha-style, dress with just eyes showing: 6 runs

Wickets fall whenever the player sees a really short skirt of pair of short shorts being worn by a woman. There is an element of umpire judgement to this, but a shortish skirt isn’t good enough. A wicket requires the sort of thing that would send the Taliban into furious rage, not just leave them mildly annoyed.

The game is clearly very much dependent on the pitch conditions.

Driving through Whitechapel at the weekend I amassed a total of 535-5 declared.

Jack Wilshire ‘yellow-bellied, white feather wearer’

Arsenal footballer Jack Wilshere has been branded a ‘back-sliding, champagne quaffing, surrender monkey’ by a hard-core element of Gunners’ fans.

The allegations have surfaced following the midfielder’s involvement in a nightclub fracas.

He is alleged to have suggested to a woman that she should come with him and a group of his friends because they had lots of money and could promise her ‘a good, hard roasting’.

Slightly rashly, he did this in front of her boyfriend and several of his associates.

Some argy-bargy ensued, with Wilshere allegedly grabbing hold of one of the opposing faction before beating a hasty retreat as it ‘all kicked off’.

George de Vere, of ultra Arsenal supporters group the Heavy Artillery, said: ‘That Willshere is a disgrace. What’s wrong with him? Is he French?’

Polar bear shot in Iceland

One has to feel some sympathy for the polar bear that was recently shot in Iceland.

After a 200-mile swim in near-freezing waters, the bear had just made it ashore, at Skagafjordur, and was no doubt dreaming of feasting on disgraced bankers, puffins and rancid shark, when it was terminated with extreme prejudice.

Icelandic police spokesman Petur Bjornsson said: ‘There was fog up in the hills and we took the decision to kill the bear before it could disappear into the fog.’

Apparently the animal could not be tranquilised because it would have taken 24 hours for the tranquiliser to arrive.

However, a vet in the town of Blönduó, Egill Steingrímsson, said he had drugs capable of immobilising the bear in the boot of his car. 'If the narcotics gun would have been sent by plane, it would have arrived within an hour. They could keep tabs on the bear for that long,’ he said.

One problem the police had was that around 60 people had gathered on a mountain road to watch the bear land. When the animal started heading towards these adrenaline-loving citizens the police had to act or let the bear eat its fill of tasty Icelanders.

The first record of a polar bear arriving in Iceland dates to 890, 16 years after the first settlers arrived.

That animal was killed by arrows fired by two Vikings, Ragnar the Swift and Olaf the Jumpy, who later used its fur to make linings for helmets.

Dominique Strauss-Kahn released but sex pest tag lingers

It isn’t a surprise to see Dominique Strauss-Kahn has been released without bail following revelations about the maid whom is alleged to have sexually assaulted.

That does not seem like the end of the story, however. Various rumours circulating, both about the maid’s background and associates, that have damaged the case for the prosecution. Also more than a hint that her family has been coerced in a bid to get the charges dropped.

The maid’s lawyer, Kenneth Thompson, has hit back saying that Strauss-Kahn’s defence is that sex was consenual - which he says is a lie.

Judging by what else has come out about Strauss-Kahn’s idea of what constitutes any sort of encounter with the opposite sex that seems very plausible.

Here is a wealthy banker who thinks that because he is rich and powerful he is above both conventional morality and the law. He is not alone in that.

Strauss-Kahn appears to be merely a purveyor of droit de seigneur (when a medieval lord could demand sex with the wives of his serfs, among other things) in modern dress.

The case is also an example of how certain wealthy people like Strauss-Kahn view the likes of chamber maids and many others - as serfs, only worth bothering with to provide an outlet for their overcharged sex drive.

Regardless of today’s developments, Strauss-Kahn is not vindicated.

Migrants take jobs from Britons

Today’s the day the Work and Pensions secretary Iain Duncan Smith calls for tighter controls on immigration and for British employers to favour British workers.

It is going to strike a chord with a fair slice of the electorate, I'll warrant.

Less sure if some employers will be so keen.

My old pal the Earl of Thetford was saying just the other day about how he would love to employ more British workers on his East Anglian farm but found it very difficult.

The reasons for this were varied, but in a nutshell his point was that (with some notable exceptions) the British have gone soft.

In between a couple of glasses of claret, the Earl noted that British workers he’d tried out were unable to turn up on time, moaned a lot, bunked off for breaks as soon as possible, were fat and unfit and didn’t return on day two.

The Poles, Lithuanians, Ukrainians and whatnot worked like horses and wanted to be part of the operation.

Of course IDS will know this already.

Christopher Shale ‘murdered at Glastonbury by secret police’

I see it hasn’t taken long for conspiracy theories to start circulating about the death of David Cameron’s aide Christopher Shale.

Mr Shale (56) was found dead in a toilet at the Glastonbury Festival.

However, the theories suggest, he had not only penned a damning report about the Conservative Party, he also had ‘secret information’ about Mr Cameron that he was about to make public.

That’s it. Some information that was so ‘secret’ that it could have brought down the government: possibly involving the Prime Minister and a goat in suspenders or similar.

So a special MI5 hit squad was charged with bumping him off in a Glastonbury toilet.

Which they duly did.

What Wen Jiabao said to David Cameron

Of course I wasn’t there, but I have a feeling it went something like this.

‘Quit moaning about the dissidents or no business from us, you spent old hasbeen of a nation.

‘And we haven’t forgotten the opium wars, either.’

Recommendation for DSO for Adam Boulton of Sky News who asked when the Chinese might be improving their human rights record.

By all accounts Cameron looked deeply uncomfortable and Jiabao looked decidly displeased.

Reminded me of the moment in Catch 22 when General Dreedle demands that Major Danby is taken out and shot for moaning.

Image of Cameron-Cathcart spluttering: ‘I’m afraid we don’t do that here, sir.’

And Jiabao muttering: ‘Not now, you don’t.’

The working class is in decline

Interesting to see the independent mulling over the old ‘the working class feels bitter and isolated’ routine.

It’s not just a rehash of predictable old quotes, though. The story does hit one or two topics on the chin.

In particular it highlights what a shocking job the last Labour government did and how they were fixated on forcibly changing the demographic of the country. As long as they, personally, could escape the ramifications; such as schools of children who couldn’t speak English.

It also shows what happens when you expand the middle class. Almost by definition, the working class shrinks. But is that necessarily a bad thing? In theory, no, but if instead you create a benefit-dependent underclass then clearly the answer is yes.

Then again, I do wonder who hasn’t been milking the system; especially when I see the salaries still being paid to senior figures in local government. At least four members of Ealing Council getting more than a cabinet minister, I notice.

http://www.independent.co.uk/news/uk/home-news/threatened-isolated-under-siege-the-uks-working-class-today-2302850.html#disqus_thread

John Galliano 'loves Hitler', apparently

John Galliano - now there’s a man in a spot of bother.

Poor chap. A few glasses of champagne into his evening and he gets into an argument with someone with a 'dirty Jewish face' and someone else who he believes to be a ‘dirty Asian’.

Not only that, the dirty faced one had ‘revolting eyebrows and low-end thighs’.

Low-end thighs - like something you'd get at the Morrison’s chicken counter.

Oh dear, oh dear. Then saying ‘I love Hitler’ may have been a mistake as well.

Although allegedly adding: ‘The Luftwaffe always had the best-cut uniforms’ seems like fair comment.

Not to mention those SS caps, luvvie; so chic, so debonair, so step on your face with a jackboot and grind it into the mud until you’re very uncomfortable.

What's new in the world?

Long time, no chunterings.

I've been away. No, not like that, though it's not such a bad idea.

What's changed? Well, not that much. New government, of course. Arab Spring has sprung. Greece is slipping down the khazi. Bankers getting richer while everyone else sees their standard of living gradually sliding away.

But all is not lost. Pleased to see Princess Beatrice has gone from being a fat, toothy, inbred troll to just a toothy inbred troll.

Well done, Ma'am.